Libra Sun.
[No. 94]
IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD, WHY?
Josie Defaye and her pup, Lady Macbeth
A poem by Josie Defaye
Libra Sun
Behold now, know I [am] a fair woman
to look on: I clothe myself with gold, I
deck me with ornaments of crimson,
contour my face, painting, and I make my
self fairer than the children of men. Grace
poured into my lips. Therefore God hath blessed
me for ever. And the LORD calls my name:
A green olive tree, fair, goodly chestnut.
I have wrought lewdness with many.
O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, [and]
not comforted, behold, I will lay thy
stones with fair colors, lay thy foundations
with sapphires. I shall strip thee of thy clothes,
take thy fair jewels, leave thee naked and bare.
What a beautiful question. A relationship, like with anything or anyone, can fluctuate, right? That said, I have a faith statement that I stand on fully, with my whole trust and heart.
My trust in God has been earned. He has never let me down, where humanity has failed. I am in daily conversation with God, and Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I often get nervous to tell others this because I’ve often felt too woo for my Jesus friends, and too Jesusy for my woo friends. But the truth is I know I was divinely created, with purpose and power and out of pure love. I know I am unconditionally loved and guided. I know God has a plan for me, and I collaborate with His power to create this life. I am constantly learning that surrendering to His plan always works out better than my own.
God talks to me in the subtle and the obvious. Through intuition, a memory, music (a lot), a feeling, a sensation, a color, a vision (often), and voice. I can talk with God while in deep meditation and with gorgeous music on, or just while making my bed.
I love to sing to God and about Him. I love to praise with music. I love to worship with it. But truly, I am working toward my whole life and how I live it being an act of worship, or gratitude, of partnership, of joy.
I’ve been angry with God in the past. I’ve felt hurt. I’ve been confused. I didn’t see the point. And I keep coming back. Again and again.
I am truly thankful that God never gave up on me. I’ve tried to go it alone and stand in my own power (which is big!) but it’s never as big or as forgiving or as compassionate or as perfect as His power.