Questions of the heart; answers of the heart.
[No. 17]
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF SOMEONE IS RIGHT FOR YOU?
“Most of us will choose a familiar pain over an unknown alternative.”
Sara Kuburic
Okay, I hate to call your bluff, but I have an inkling you might be asking a question of the heart with words of the mind. So, let’s get you into your body.
Are you awake?
Are you rested?
Are you listening?
Your body does not have a poker face; cave to her, your vessel. She is waiting for your audience!
“Am I your dream girl?
You think of me in bed
But you could never hold me
You like me better in your head”
Florence
A still from Disney’s 1951 “Alice in Wonderland”
Let’s even take away romance for a second.
How do you know what’s right for you at the gas station? At a restaurant? Well, it’s that millisecond of sublime choice, and in the choice, you become more you than ever before.
Day by day, we swim in a sea of norms. From birth, we are flooded with messaging on who we are meant to be. As a kid, I was told to find a nice Jewish boy with a good education, a good job, and a good family. The prescription was clear. My unique abilities and quirks were tidied up and gerrymandered by hegemonic capitalism until I was small enough to play the part. The problem was that my heart was unhealthy, then my mind, then my body. I had never been such a stranger to myself; I had never been so alone. [THE REAL TRUTH BEYOND THE PERFORMANCE OF A LIFE WAS THAT I HAD ENOUGH MONEY, I HAD A GOOD FAMILY, I HAD A GOOD EDUCATION, I WAS THE NICE JEWISH BOY.]
When someone or something is right, you sleep well. You eat heartily. You have good, long conversations. [YOU FEEL LIKE A BEAUTIFUL ALIEN.]
At the same time, I have the controversial opinion that even the wrong people are right. We take souvenirs and breadcrumbs that make our story lively, unpredictable. If we understand that knowing and unknowing are old buddies, listen to no one as closely as you listen to yourself.
If you were to flip a coin to ask [THIS PERSON] or [SOMETHING MORE], what side would you secretly wish it to land upon? Alice slipping down the rabbit hole comes to mind. We don’t know what’s around the corner. But you know if you’re ready for a bigger adventure. You know if things are upside down.
“’This porridge is too hot!
This porridge is too cold!
This porridge is just right’.
Goldilocks ate all the porridge.”
Goldilocks and the Three Bears
Save your appetite for the thing that feels just right.
Do you want to undress this person?
Do you like the way they smell?
Do you feel at ease around them?
Do they excite you?
Do they give you room to grow?
Do you want to hold their hand?
And when you sleep at night, do you want your dreams to dance?
I tingle at your question because I know that you know. If we are quiet enough to [TRUST], then the truth lives in our bodies regardless of how fiercely the mind tries to distract.
The secret is in a locked treasure box in your belly, and you have the key.
You made the key. What do you crave the answer to be?
You are the [KING] of your destiny.
Feast!