We are mythological creatures.
[No. 28]
HOW CAN A PERSON COME TO TERMS WITH NATURAL AGING IN A WORLD OF BOTOX AND INFRARED MASKS, NUMEROUS BEAUTY PRODUCTS, ETC.? THAT’S BEEN ON MY MIND THE MOST THESE DAYS AS I SEE GRAY HAIRS COMING IN AND WRINKLES SLOWLY APPEARING. IDEALLY, I WANT TO EMBRACE THEM, FEEL I HAVE EARNED THESE SIGNS AND SAY, “HI, WELCOME.” YET, ON THE FLIP SIDE, THERE ARE DAYS WHEN I DON’T FEEL LIKE ACKNOWLEDGING THEM.
Over a plate of fusilli primavera a few weeks ago, I was talking about aging with a friend. He shared just how much he likes signs of life on the bodies and minds of those around him. He said something like, [THE FROWN LINES ON THE OLDER GUYS IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD ARE A TESTAMENT TO ALL THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH, AND THEN WHEN THEY SMILE, SUNSHINE.] And yet, in the era of late-stage capitalism, honoring our wrinkles requires Herculean inner strength.
JoAni Johnson by Ibrahem Hasan for Paper Magazine
These last few days, I have pondered your question. I considered my own lines, grays, scars, and how I carry them into doctors’ offices, castings, and the arms of crushes. [I LOVE MY MARKINGS.] I remember once a lover telling me that his buddy had asked him, “What is it like to fuck a 44-year old?” We were lying in bed, and it caught me off-guard. But I like that it made his friend curious. I am not afraid. At the end of the day, I smile and share this poem with you that I wrote in the dark of night in response. Welcome to the world of wonder.
WHAT’S IT LIKE TO FUCK A 44-YEAR OLD?
What’s it like to fuck a 44-year old?
Did you drink the wisdom dripping from their loins?
They are a jar of sweet honey,
filled with every bit
of knowing collected
in their days.
What’s it like to fuck a 44-year old?
Did you sense the stability in their embrace?
They are a rock,
strengthened by storm
and softened by waves.
What’s it like to fuck a 44-year old?
Did you touch the soul permeating their every cell?
They are a well,
flooded with
all the darkness and light
life has flowed their way.
What’s it like to fuck a 44-year old?
Did you see the light in their eyes?
They are a current,
possessed by a force that
radiates through them
from top to bottom.
What’s it like to fuck a 44-year old?
Did you hear the clarity in their voice?
They are a line,
defined by an understanding
of their truth and
how it meets this world.
What’s it like to fuck a 44-year old?
Did you learn all their body’s secrets?
They are a library,
packed with manual
and poetry
and song.
What’s it like to fuck a 44-year old?
Did you feel the depth of their care?
They are a blanket,
knitted with kindness
and generosity
and compassion.
What’s it like to fuck a 44-year old?
Did you taste the blood of their babies born and lost?
The birth, death and rebirth?
The wins and losses?
The betrayal and trust?
The reclamation and declaration?
The power and tenderness?
The fires and ice?
What’s it like to fuck a 44-year old?
A pot of gold.
A treasure chest.
A pathway.
An opening.
A gift.
Yes, our crow’s feet and smile lines are jewels in our crowns, reminders that we are alive, that we have loved. Blood courses through our veins. The white heat kisses our faces. And we kiss Mother Earth right back.