Do what you want to do with your life.
[No. 86]
WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOU FELT WHEN YOU HEARD YOUR CANCER DIAGNOSIS?
An interview with Sam & their mom, Jeanne Marks, in May.
Jeanne: I slammed my fist down on the kitchen counter and said, “Fuck.” I was royally pissed off. I didn’t know anyone else who was young who had cancer. I was 31.
Sam: Tell us the backstory.
Jeanne: It was the summer of 1980. My mother was a widow of 3 months. We had spent years taking care of my dad with leukemia. I had 2 young kids. You two were so young. It was so much. Then, flash to when you were 21.
Sam: I know. What did you think when I was diagnosed?
Jeanne: It was the worst. Like a punch to the gut. When something happens to your kid, it’s worse than if it were happening to you.
Sam: I remember I had to quarantine in the hospital for two days after surgery, and my stepdad brought me frozen yogurt from the Big Chill. I was willing to do anything, “to get this out of my body.” I missed half of senior year of college. My friends. My thesis. The irony is that I was studying healing practices in West Africa. [The Universe is funny.]
Jeanne: And it was interesting for me later when you pointed out, and I think you were correct, that when bad things happen, people need time to sit in that to digest and acknowledge the unhappiness, anger, hurt, fear [whatever it is] in order to free up space to move forward.
Sam: Yes. Otherwise, we make ourselves sicker in silence.
Sam: So what would you say to someone who’s going through this, or what would you say being sick has taught you?
Jeanne: Do not put things off. Do what you want to do with your life. I learned [I had] the confidence to get through hard things. Additionally, I learned to be direct. When friends ask what you need, don’t deflect. Tell them.
Sam: The slow burn of the importance of being honest and asking for help.
Jeanne: Yes.
Sam: I agree. Cancer taught me to take the non-traditional path, the one adorned not by reason, but by spirit.
Jeanne: What would you say to someone going through it?
Sam: Words are power. Express yourself. Let go of “shoulds” and live your life.
Jeanne: I love you.
Sam: I love you, too.