Follow Your Own Path.
[No. 92] 
EVERY MIDDLE-AGED FRIEND I HAVE WANTS – EITHER IN WHOLE OR IN PART – TO NOT BE LIKE THEIR PARENTS OR TO AT LEAST NOT BE AS SELF-ABSORBED AS MOST OLDER PEOPLE SEEM TO BE WHEN THEY ARE DONE RAISING THEIR KIDS. YET, DESPITE THAT DESIRE, MOST PEOPLE GO RIGHT DOWN THAT SAME ROAD. WHY?
A guest essay by Zen Buddhist priest Carol Abrahamson
Carol Abrahamson
In considering a response to this question, I’d like to invite you to contemplate the following quote: “No one can build you the bridge on which you, and only you must cross the river of life,” wrote a thirty-four year-old Frederick Nietzsche.
By choosing to follow the paths of our parents, we often enter a generation of traditional values, conformity, set ideas, and emotional patterns. When we choose to do this without awareness and driven by the need to feel safe, we can fall into a fixed way of Life.
Entering the time of middle age can bring an increased sensitivity to impermanence. The evolving stages of aging, and the adult child’s need for authenticity, present challenging experiences. For decades our culture has been in resistance to accepting these stages as a natural progression of human development. When there is little acceptance or wisdom available to navigate these vital thresholds, fear can arise, leading to fixed choices rooted in the need for emotional security.
From a place of consciousness and knowledge, we can carefully choose qualities we wish to emulate that may have been expressed by our parents and past generations; qualities that inspire growth, imagination, an open mind, fearlessness, gratitude and above all, respect. These qualities can serve to form a truer version of ourselves.
The opening for me to enter a path of awareness began with reading Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse. My connection to the story of Buddha’s life was profound and set forth a life deeply committed to the teachings and meditation practice of Zen Buddhism.
You too can find awareness as you listen to your wisdom teachers and study the work of the many wise beings who are here to serve in your quest for consciousness. Follow your heart/intuition to discover a path of self-realization best suited for your life’s journey.
Remember, it will take courage and perseverance to Be Yourself, Create and Follow Your Own Path. Our culture offers little in acknowledgement and ritual for those willing to choose authenticity. The choice to live in authenticity and awareness is always available to us.
It is a choice that brings the power to meet a life of change, and the energy needed to face unprecedented pressures of conformity and social fears arising in this generation. As e.e. cummings reminds us, “It takes courage to grow and become who we really are.” Living this way allows us to then deepen our connections, not only with ourselves, but also with others.
May you find your questions an opening to understanding.
